colleen's blog

to balance out the very negative Qotd post below I just want to add that I made VERY yummy soup just like Carrabba's Lentil & Sausage soup.  And one batch made enough to fill 4 decent size tupperware containers.

soup

What is the one saying that your parents said to you that you absolutely hate? 
Submitted by victoriassecret.

Sadly, this question took NO thought at all.

From my mom came: "How do you like them apples?" and "Who ever said life was fair?"  Both phrases were used at moments in my childhood when I was facing an emotional hurt or disappointment.  A big hug and kiss probably would have been more helpful.

From my dad came: "Don't ever have kids, they'll ruin your life."  Yes, sadly, my dad uttered this statement enough times for it to qualify as one of his sayings.  When I was 30 and wrote my dad one last letter to tell him why it was too painful to continue a relationship with him, I tried to explain why this statement was so hurtful.  Unfortunately, my stepmom never let him see that letter.  But really, should any parent have to be schooled in the reasons why not to say that to their own children?  (Even if you felt you were "tricked" into having kids you didn't want!)

So we had a doggie play date at my house this evening and if each dog got graded for their conduct, my Jack Russell, Delaney would have gotten a C-.  All the other dogs were very good.  Mostly they just wanted to race around and check each other out.  Delaney had to be the bad apple of the bunch and either pluck at the other dogs hair or "semi" hump them regardless of their sex.  Thankfully, she was the smallest dog by about 40 pounds so they mostly just rolled their eyes and pretended that she didn't exist. I didn't like being the mom of the socially awkward bully!

I don't know if this will become a regular event but it certainly highlighted that the backyard needs some TLC and a good spring cleaning.  I plan on getting on that pronto.

Another thing that is very overdue is dropping about 30 pounds.  None of my clothes fit any more - I mean NONE.  I went shopping yesterday because I had to have a couple of pairs of capris ( I refuse to wear shorts right now).  I've been wearing sweatpants almost constantly for months and I have to say that sweatpants in Florida in May is just down right embarassing.  I have started doing my Firm tapes again but this won't be an overnight victory.  I don't lose weight quickly like when I was younger and I have gotten into a terrible night time habit of eating the equivalent of a fourth meal.  ( No, I don't think Taco Bell should be proud of themselves for their stupid "fourth meal" commercials but I seem to have fallen for the hype).

I recently had to go on some heavy duty arthritis meds.  Right now just Methotrexate but next week I will probably be adding Enbrel.  That one is a self-injectable and that kind of scares me.  I'm telling myself that if I was able to catheterize my own dog when he was retaining urine then this will be a piece of cake.  I find it much easier to cause pain to myself than to someone else.  One big question that I need to ask the Rheumatologist when I see her next week is whether taking these meds long term means I can't pursue a career in the healthcare field.  The meds work mainly by surpressing the immune system so spending much time around sick people might not be the wisest career choice.  I hope she can shed some light on this for me.  I also have an important question regarding my weekly martini.  I've gotten used to having 1 or 2 martinis on saturday when we enjoy a meal out.  In general, I know this is a no-no while on Methotrexate but I'm going to ask point blank if "1 martini every other saturday would really kill me"?  She might answer yes but if not, then I will really, really enjoy that occasional drink.  I hope that doesn't sound pathetic.  I know with great certainty that if she says it has to be NO drinks, I can comply but why totally deny myself if there is a little wiggle room?

Now, I think I am going to go kick back and see if I can find a halfway decent movie to watch.  300 cable channels (we pay about $120 a month for cable) and it never seems like there is anything I want to watch.

yesterday I googled the words "methotrexate" + "loss of sense of taste" because these are the concerns of my life right now and stumbled on a very sad blog kept by a woman who found mouth cancer when she was 36 and died within 14 months.  I should have known it would depress me greatly but she really was a good writer and could find the humor in some really challenging situations.  Of course, then I was up half the night thinking about how unfair life can be.  Given my own upbringing, why do I still try to deny the fact that suffering is very much a part of the whole package?

I hope it's normal to shift from feeling deeply happy for the many blessings in my life to feeling a deep despair over how eff'd up the world seems right now.  If it's not normal, I have another thing to worry about.

I know, I don't post in forever and when I do, I'm Little Mary Sunshine.

Get Out of Your Mind and Into Your Life: The New Acceptance and Commitment Therapy

Steven C. Hayes

UPS will be leaving this on my doorstep some time today.

quick post to say that I have deleted my LJ journal and will be attempting to focus on showing up here more and reviving this journal!  Of course, I'm only popping in for a second tonight but I fully plan to be back in the next day or two and post more properly!

when you have to go hunt down your password to get back on Vox because the website doesn't even recognize you as having an account.

I'm thinking about some changes to my vox and/or LJ accounts.  I'm trying to immerse myself in my quilting right now and may turn one (or both?) into more of a display area for my work.  It seems updating about my mundane day-to-day doings only gets me posting about once every couple of months.  I think that form of posting only works if you are Brittney Spears or were Anna Nicole Smith.

If you pop in every couple of months to say " I'm almost done with the blocks for my current quilt and I'm avoiding carbs lately" then what's the point of keeping a journal?

So, I am thinking of some changes that might actually get me back here on a regular basis.  I feel bad for not following any friends/neighbors journals for a long time. Sorry.  I just had to say that.

Jeff is typically a very laid-back, kind, thoughtful and loving person.  I count my lucky stars every day but for the last couple of weeks he is noticably different.  I would never have thought it was possible but he has been acting even MORE laid-back, kind, thoughtful and loving.  I'm thinking I have to up my "game" as a human being.  You know that line from 'As good as it gets'  where Jack Nicholson says "You make me want to be a better person" well that is my life currently.  How I got this guy still amazes me!  Wednesday on our 21st anniversary he gave me a sweet little homemade card (he usually does make them himself) which said, and I quote, "you are the best wife ever".  Does he have a second wife stashed somewhere and I got her card instead?  I do feel blessed, just maybe a little undeserving.

On the holiday front, I did about 90% of my shopping online and am only waiting on two more packages.  One should arrive today and one tomorrow.  The tomorrow one is my own "big" gift for Christmas and the woman at heavensgatehomeandgarden.com is trying to move heaven and earth to get it here tomorrow.  She truly is the sweetest online retailer I've ever come across and I've met some nice people in the past while buying online.  The link to her website doesn't seem to be working at the moment but she carries some really nice stuff, check her out!

I've been utilizing my hypnosis tapes at much as possible lately, especially the one for healing skin.  I can't say if it's had a big impact yet but I love listening to his voice and the messages are very uplifting and caring.  Even if all I get out of it is a very relaxing 30 minute break that's enough.

We are planning for a quiet, at-home Christmas and that suits me fine.  I will NOT be venturing to the stores this weekend.  On monday, Lisa will be over at noonish and we will commence to eating the first of 2 turkey dinners. Then Lisa and I are either going to watch 'Must Love Dogs' at home or will go see 'The pursuit of Happyness' at the theater.  What more could I ask for - a traditional turkey dinner with my extra-loving husband and my best friend, and then a feel good movie to top it off.

According to the weatherman, the arctic air from way up north (from the arctic, I guess) will actually be making it to my house tonight. oh boy!  We don't get many opportunities to truly "need" our fireplace so I have plans for some cozy time laying in front of the fireplace tomorrow night.  I like to put my stocking feet right up near the fire and get them pretty roasting before I have to pull back and cool them off.

Life's more than good right now.  I like the haircut I got today, I'm feeling quite healthy and I just ordered some cute jewelry online for my birthday.  The fact that the ring wasn't in stock and now my birthday presents will probably be getting to me a week or so late doesn't matter.

Here's the ring ( It says "the journey is the reward")

Ring